“If I have an attraction to someone of the same gender, does that make me gay?”
“What’s the difference between a same-sex attraction and a gay orientation—are they the same thing?”
“What can I do about my sexual addiction?”
“Does Jesus love gay and lesbian people?”
“What does the Bible say about being gay?”
“What if I experience same-sex attraction but I desire to be married to someone of the opposite gender?”
“If I experience same-sex attraction do I need to embrace a gay identity?”
These are just a few of the questions I had walking through the door of Where Grace Abounds, oh-so many years ago—and rightfully so. Sexuality is complex, confusing and mulit-layered. Add Christian faith on top of all that, there are even more painful complications to navigate and figure out. Often these separate components (or “pieces of the puzzle)” of our sexuality/sexual identity are all tangled up together. Sometimes they are even in conflict with one another. What exactly are each of these puzzle pieces? In our new video series called “Uphold” I share my story around these various aspects of our sexuality. Let’s explore these and some questions that might possibly come up.
Our Biological Identity (Male and Female)
- Primary Characteristics (born with)—sex chromosomes, gonads (ovaries, testes) and genitalia
- Secondary Characteristics (develop at puberty)—breasts, menstrual cycle, facial hair, etc
What if I experience body shame or body dysmorphia?
How does my body effect how I feel as a man or woman?
What about intersex?
Our Gender Identity (Masculine and Feminine)
- How you experience yourself as male or female and fitting in with the world of men or women
- Gender Roles and Gender Stereotypes—navigating our culture, family and church culture’s expectations
What if my biology and gender identity are incongruent? Am I trans?
What if I feel like both genders at times?
What if I feel agender (neither gender)
Our Attractions, Feelings and Orientation
- We are attracted (move towards) people for a variety of reasons ie: friends, mentors, etc
- We also have “experiences” of feeling attracted romantically, physically and sexually
- Cultural definitions/identity labels based on attractions (straight, gay, bi, asexual)
What experiences of attraction have I had throughout my lifetime with the same gender or opposite gender?
Have my attractions been exclusively to the same gender or to the opposite gender; —have these been confusing or troubling?
Are these strong attractions? Are they long-lasting or fleeting and occasional?
Do these “experiences” of attraction mean I’m oriented a certain direction—to the same gender, opposite gender or both?
And do they say something about who I am? Perhaps they may, but maybe not?
Our Behavior and Sexual Expression
- On a broad level, this aspect of our sexuality can include how we handle our thought life, emotions and working with our volitional will.
- It would also include how we express intimacy (in a wide variety of ways and the boundaries we have with ourselves and others sexually.
How am I acting on (or not acting on) my attractions?
What informs the boundaries or limits I have around sexual activity?
Faith, Theology and Our Relationship with God
- How your faith, values and core beliefs inform the way you live out your sexuality
- We have a Creator who has very particular intents for our existence and how we behave.
- These purposes extend to our relationships, including our sexual relationships.
- We tend to wrestle/, submit and rebel/surrender (over and over) with these parts of scripture and our relationship with God.
What do I believe God says about gender, sex, marriage and relationships?
What interpretations of scripture do I believe around sexuality?
Conflict and Resolution
In a perfect world, all of these aspects of our sexuality would be congruent and whole. But sadly, that is not the world we are living in. In a broken world, we experience many conflicts and inconsistencies with these components of our sexual identity—sometimes with them battling against each other. There are no easy answers to the myriad of questions listed above in regards to the complexity of faith and sexuality. How does one deal with the various conflicts in sexual identity? What are the various ways people find resolution within these conflicts? What kind of environment and tools might prove helpful? I hope you’ll join the journey and conversation in our Uphold Series to explore these questions together.
Scott Kingry
Program Director
A staff member since June of 1992, Scott is a key player in the WGA discipleship ministry. He plans, organizes, and implements every aspect of the Thursday night support group. In addition to public speaking, counseling group participants and training leaders, Scott maintains personal contact with many group members and it is to Scott’s credit that many group members feel personally welcomed, cared for and loved.
Although he holds a degree in graphic arts, he attributes his ministry qualifications to the “school of hard knocks.” God’s abundant grace continues to be the instrument of growth in his life, and he desires to be firmly grounded in the forgiveness and freedom of relationship with Jesus Christ.
Scott attends a Presbyterian Church.
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