It’s been over a decade since we learned that our son is gay. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. I’m not.
I’m sitting in Sunday school and a man several rows back brings up the “sin of homosexuality” and declares that the church isn’t “hard enough” on that sin. It happens two or three more times in that class – same man. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. I’m not. I didn’t want to become his educator, but I was getting ready to speak up. However, the retired pastor who taught the class evidently figured out those statements came too close to home for me, and made some kind and loving comments that closed the subject.
As I walked into the women’s Bible study one of the ladies was saying, “So, I took my Bible out and showed him that homosexuality is an abomination before God.” Her tone was very self-satisfied. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. I’m not.
When people around me categorize all homosexuals as pedophiles it still hurts. I want to shout, “No, not all homosexuals molest children!” And, honestly, sometimes I do. Well, not shout exactly, but speak up so I can be heard.
What I want for my son is for the Christian community to express the same love and acceptance we give to other sinners in our church – which includes all of us. When our son first “came out”, many Christians were unkind, unaccepting, unloving, in other words, unChrisitan in their response.
So, where did he go? He went to the gay community which reached out to him with acceptance and understanding. Why would any sinner head to the bar instead of the pew? Same reason. Why does the church accept the “straight” couples living together before marriage? Because we don’t want to lose them. Why is it so different with my son? I don’t want to lose him.
Most people I know would be extremely shocked and hurt if I rejected their child because of their particular sin, whatever it might be. In today’s society, it would be considered horrible if I rejected a child because that child’s parents never married. I have friends who have a grandchild whose father doesn’t even know the baby exists, but the mother regularly attends church and is treated with kindness as she should be. But, often, these same people feel justified in vilifying my son without meeting him. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. I’m not.
I hope my comments above come through as pain and not anger. It’s easier to sound angry than hurt – mostly a pride thing. Most of us, maybe all us, need to spend more time thinking before we speak. You never know, your words may be hurting someone you don’t intend to cause pain.
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