Reflections on 40 Years: Clarity Comes Just in Time

There are experiences so profound that when they come tomind, they seem catapulted from the past into the present in vivid detail,emotional impact intact, almost like reliving it again. For example, most of uswho were teenagers or adults in 2001 remember exactly where we were when wefirst heard of the 9/11 attacks. The experience is burned into our memory, asif pinned to the start-up memory on our computer—always coming up at firstopening.

Memories from my first years of ministry, though verypersonal and not at all relevant to most of anyone I knew at the time,nonetheless carry the same staying power for me. In the retelling of the story,these have become core concepts for WGA staff and leaders. For example, whenWhere Grace Abounds was in its early years, I prayed fervently—foundationalquestions were cast toward God as from the epicenter of a panic attack—we askeddaily, and we kept asking ‘til they were answered, or the Lord rendered thequestion moot. I was desperate for God’s guidance and direction. One suchquestion on my mind constantly was a need for clarity, “Lord, what does “graceand truth, no compromise” look like in action?”

When I think of that question, a memory rushes to mind. I amreliving it as I write.

I had an experience that I knew at the time was God’s answer.My confusion dissolved into clarity as I talked with a person who had beenattending the WGA group. I share our conversation just as I remember it, (caller’sname changed):

One morning, as I sorted through the mail, the phone rang.

“Hello, Where Grace Abounds, this is Mary.”

The voice was urgent, loud… “Mary, I just want to knowone thing.”

Not recognizing the voice, I said something like “Um, who isthis?”

“It’s Joseph, I just want to know one thing… if I act outtoday will you still talk with me tomorrow?”

“Joseph, you know you don’t have to do that, …… but if you do,...I will still talk with you tomorrow!”

“That’s all I want to know,” …then the dial tone...an abrupt end to the call.

I was stunned for a moment, mulled over the briefinteraction, wondering if my response to Joseph was appropriate— “Where did mywords come from? I’ve never had anybody ask me that.”  As I considered the import of that fewseconds on the phone, I was afraid for him. Joseph was into some dangerous “actingout.”  The consequences if he were foundout could be severe.

A bit of background and context:  It had been several months since Joseph firstcalled, distressed by a nearly missed encounter with law enforcement at a reststop known as a meeting place for men seeking sexual encounters. Had he been onhis habitual time schedule he would have been numbered with the two men he sawescorted out in handcuffs just as he was pulling into the parking lot. Thisnear miss provided the needed motivation to seek help.

Joseph was relieved to find Where Grace Abounds (WGA) and soughtout and attended discipleship sessions with the WGA staff. He participated inthe support group with other men who understood both his struggle andhis desire to conquer it. The teachings resonated with him. He had called manytimes expressing excitement over one discovery or another about himself, biblicalprinciples applied, etc.  

This time was different. Joseph was agitated, sounded angry,intent on acting out…. It seemed my assurance that I would still talk with himwas all he needed to take action. My thoughts were chaotic, and emotions onhigh alert. I took my distressed mind and heart to prayer for quite a fewminutes. “Had I just given him permission to act out? Would he have listened tome if I had drawn a line and insisted he talk with me a while before I answeredhim?  But he was so abrupt, and it didn’tseem I had much of a chance. But I ….” The doubts and questions poured out as Iasked the Lord for guidance, correction for myself, and protection for Joseph.

But then the phone rang again, and the day continued.

The next morning—"Hello, Where Grace Abounds,this is Mary.”

“Mary, I didn’t do it!”

“Do what? Who is this?”  

“It’s Joseph, …. Mary, I didn’t act out!”

As he shared his victory with me, the conversation was fullof his wonder and joy at pushing back the temptation and the hope and strength henow felt as a result. At one point I asked him “Joseph, what made thedifference this time over all the other times you faced that same temptation?”  

He said, “Just knowing you cared enough to talk with meat my worst gave me the strength to not do it.”

In conclusion:  What we have here is an illustration of Truthand Grace in action: A truth message within the context of a trustedrelationship, “You know you don’t have to do that.” put together with a graceand love statement, “but if you do, I will still talk with you.”

Caution: It would be easy to read this story as if a truth and grace message, ifdone well, will have the desired outcome. The bad news is, there are no guaranteedoutcomes, which is still between the person and God, and people may still “actout”.  But the good news is that God hasgiven us a role in His work. A truth and grace message can often be our part inthe story of the Holy Spirit’s work in the hearts of others.

“All this isfrom God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministryof reconciliation.” (2 Corin 5:18)  Maythe Lord give us all the best truth and grace messages in all ourconversations, and may he give us the strength to surrender the outcome to theLord who loves that person infinitely more than we can.

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