The Impotent “If Only”

“If only  I had known I was going to break my ankle on Saturday, I would have gotten a haircut on Friday. “

[Historical Note:  On October 11^th, coming down a flight of stairs,  I mistook the second to the last step as the actual last step, tripped  and fell.  The resultant  dislocated ankle was reset, broken fibula surgically repaired at the hospital.  I was released to home health care on October 16th and the rehab process began.  After six weeks of non-weight-bearing on the injured leg, I graduated to walk with a walker and am currently gaining strength and range of motion through exercise with the help of physical therapy.]

There has been much fruitful thinking since the fall.  It helps to focus on what I can do rather than what I can’t—that’s a lesson in itself.  Thinking through my schedule, and adjusting meeting times and places from my office, church, or coffee shops to meet at my place— that was planning  time well spent.  Rearranging furniture and rolling up carpets to make mobility easier in my condo—it was good to think through the logistics  and get help to make that happen.  Much useful thinking has been done, and I am glad of the ability to do so.

But the recurring “if only” thoughts— futile thoughts incessantly  popping unbidden to mind—they are  wholly useless.  Yet, they persist.  Even now, two months later to the day, sitting at the computer drafting this article, as I peer at the screen through  stray strands of hair, I catch myself entertaining this thought for what must be at least a thousand times since October 11^th.   “If only  I had gotten my hair cut before I was housebound.”   Yet however true it might be, it is ineffectual and pointlessly distracting to think about what could have been, “if only.”

Regrets

I am reminded of the time just following my decision to follow Jesus.  Regrets ensued, followed by hauntingly painful  realizations that if only I had known what my life choices would  cost, I could have made different decisions. My children and I might have been spared the consequences, the  ripple effects by which we are still affected today.  The one and only good effect of those regrets, those convictions of sin and error, came when I took them in repentance to the Lord with a mind and heart full of my need for forgiveness and yearning for guidance and direction for Life as He intended it—and I then found myself in Him, His grace and truth now active in my life—Redeemed.

Other than the motivation it can bring up in us toward repentance and freedom in Christ, I am convinced that entertaining  any other “if only” thoughts become a foothold for the enemy of our souls who “prowls about … seeking whom he may devour.” [i]

After fifty-two years of following Jesus, I am convinced that taking our “if only” regrets and hopes to Jesus is the only remedy for what ails us—for what ails our families, societies, the world, in fact.  And in the pursuit of Him, it would be good to keep in mind what Marie Curie, once said in her memoir, Pierre. [ii]

“You cannot hope to build a better world without  improving the individuals.  To that end each of us must work for his own improvement, and at the same time share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful.”  (Marie Curie)

The “if only” thoughts or as recovery folks call them, the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” focus, is not only useless but destructive distractions. May we never succumb to these!

[i] 1Peter 5:8:  “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

[ii] https://libquotes.com/marie-curie/quote/lbj2q2k