The subject line read “Help”, and it was delivered from an email address that began with the word ‘hacked’ (not a great start). What’s more, the first lines (from this individual) described themselves as a ‘not-frequent-enough’ church attender as well as a being ‘pretty hot’ J. In the longest email I’ve ever received, the words strung together were cogent. With them were personal and historical data points about themselves and people I know. It included a coming to faith story as well as observations about LGBTQ+ ideology and community. It ended with a perceivable sigh…..’I am exhausted. I don’t know what to do’. Hence the subject line, help.
This (biological; Christian) man is romantically intertwined with a trans-man. This story is becoming more common in our day. What would you do? Where would you go for guidance?
Thankfully, we have two Scriptures that have come to ground and guide our (WGA’s) interactions with folks:
“We don’t know what do Lord, but our eyes are on you.” — 2 Chronicles 20:12; ESV
“To whom shall we go, Lord, you have the words of eternal life.” — John 6:68; CSB.
Drawing from those two Scriptures, I read the email. I read it more than once. More than four times. I longed to peer beneath the words, to get at the mood and the mental state of this ‘author’ as well as the person they referenced. I fact checked. I reached out to the people he said knew him and me. This wasn’t a hack, it was a real person. We agreed to meet for lunch at a local pizzeria.
Lunch
Over the past few months, I’ve been influenced by this line, this posture, from Eugene Peterson:
“As a pastor (or person), you’ve got to be willing to take people as they are. And live with them where they are. And not impose your will on them. Because God has different ways of being with people, and you don’t always know what they are.”[1]
Yes, Jesus is radically gracious in his desire to accept and love us. He is also radically truthful about his warnings on sin and God’s judgement. He doesn’t lower the bar on holiness. He made a way to make us holy that isn’t dependent on our performance. Consequently, how I, how we hold that, as we walk into these conversations, is vitally important.
What did I do? Like a counselor does, when taking on a new client, I did an intake. As we ate, I sought to understand before I was understood. I asked A LOT of questions before I offered any recommendations or observations. He shared with honesty and was receptive to what I had to say. While he was guarded and self-justifying in some ways, he wanted to meet again. His self-protection made sense to me, as this was our first interaction, and he had abusive parents and grew up in a cult. His interest in meeting again seemed to indicate God was wooing and giving him wisdom.
Training + The Gospel
While it’s impossible to capture the whole of that interaction in this forum, there are traces of both training and the gospel here. How so? It’s been said that we don’t rise to the level of our talent, we fall to the level of our training. What’s that mean?
This interaction does highlight the importance of training. Mainly, to become familiar with, to learn, to study, to pray, to understand the stories of LGBTQ+ people as well as their aches. All this so that we might be with and speak (coherently) to an individual who sends us an email like the one animating this post.
Secondly, it does draw us to the importance of the gospel. “If you are in Christ, you have a Friend who, in your sorrow (or confusion), will never lob down a pep talk from heaven. He cannot bear to hold himself at distance. Nothing can hold him back. His heart is too bound up with yours.”[2]
It’s in moments like these that we can (like God in Eden) hear and ask two questions: where are you? Tradition in Judaism and early Christianity understands the first question as an invitation to see reality as God sees. And, leading to the second question, who told you that you were naked? Said another way, how have you deviated from my (God’s) design and destiny for your life? Grace & truth.
During our interaction, this man was starting to see how God sees… that what God is possibly doing in him and in this person, is far bigger than he could imagine. Now, from that interaction, he continued to stay with this person. However, after we met yesterday, he had called it quits with them a few days ago. Now, not every situation ends like this. But, how we ended yesterday was with this man saying, “I think God is starting to show me that He (God) is enough for me. I want that.” God has different ways of being with people, and you/I don’t always know what those are. However, what we can know is that Christ has the words of eternal life. He is the only one that can speak those to the deepest parts of us.
[1] Eugene H. Peterson, The Jesus Way: A Conversation on the Ways That Jesus is The Way (emphasis mine).
[2] Dane Ortlund, Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2020), 239.
Greg Navitsky
WGA Staff
While growing up in Arlington Heights, IL, it wasn’t until the start of my senior year did I start to wonder if Jesus was worth considering. For me, it took the intellectual, communal, and personal components to come together to say – yes – to Him. I like to say He captured the restlessness of my soul and like a guitar restrung my heart with the cords of eternity and it hasn’t gone back since.
Shortly after coming to know Jesus as my greatest hope and reality, my father died. Since then, I’ve taken great comfort in Corrie Ten Boom’s words, “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. If you look at God, you’ll be at rest.”
Then, not long after that, a family member came out to me. For the first time this dimension of life – spirituality and sexuality – wasn’t an abstract concept, this was and is a person. After attending to them with grace and truth, an odd phenomenon kept happening to me, or has it been for something? Individuals would continually trust me with their questions, wounds, and curiosities about their sexuality. At this point, it’s climbed to 15+. From there, I’ve invested the better part of eight years being engaged with individuals and immersed in the dizzying array of literature on these areas of our personhood.
I’ve found Elizabeth Elliot’s words to have great bearing on our cultural moment: “Faith doesn’t eliminate questions, but faith knows where to take them.” Two prayers that have grounded and guided my life are: “I long to have faith and obedience like those I see in the Scriptures, and I long to preach the gospel to the nations.”
Those are my life’s aims. Among my love of books, reflection, and nurturing meaningful relationships, I enjoy good coffee, jazz music, golf, snowboarding, the movies, pizza (pepperoni), cooking, the mountains, and the beach as well as traveling.
I hold an MDiv from Denver Seminary, and I hope to gain more clarity on pursuing a PhD in the coming years.
I’m humbled and honored to join the WGA staff and contribute to the on-going space they are curating for every person, every story, and every beautiful and broken aspect of our human experience.
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