Though nearly every newsletter from Where Grace abound has something that resonates, the June 2024 issue blogs around “labels” especially stirred me to respond.

In Roger’s blog “My Journey with Identity Labels” he invited readers to share their stories in dealing with labels. I am one whose sexual orientation was fuzzy to me until I was 22 or 23, and it was not even fully clear until my 50s. At 24 I described myself to a trusted friend as having “my brand of lesbianism”, which meant I was attracted to the same sex but hadn’t totally acted on it. My non-action stopped being the case at 27. I also found in my much earlier days sometimes vaguely wishing I were a guy and could relate to others as a guy. Then back to feeling more like a girl interested in boys. To top this off I was a racial minority for most of my developing years, influenced to be ashamed of my forebearers and ethnicity. I also was molested. Talk about an existential crisis. I was suicidal two separate times prior to age 30. What in the world could I have called myself that came with a sense of comfort and dignity?

If I were an adolescent in today’s ethos under similar struggles as described above, I’d probably feel pressed with the temptation to label myself according to either sexual or gender identity (or both), if for no other reason but to hopefully stop the free fall into a bottomless morass of non-identity and the drum beating in my head: “What’s wrong with me? Why am I different?”

As it was, as a Christian teen, I wanted to feel like I could trust a Christian adult to tell them my travail, be welcomed to stay in the Church while struggling, and patiently sort through the chaos with me. But I was afraid and ashamed of all these feelings and had no real vocabulary to describe them until some years later. I expected to only receive shocked, angry, hurt responses and be told “You shouldn’t feel this way”; to pray and get my life right with God right now.

Years later, while at WGA, I continued to believe my struggle was exclusively same-sex. However, since then, as I look over the events and patterns of my life, especially including marrying a man, I realize I lean more toward bi-sexual attraction. While happily married now for 23 years, I remain alert to the tugs I can occasionally feel toward a certain “type” of woman. It did help for me to adjust that first label of ‘lesbian’ because then I could understand what’s going on and not be shocked or dismayed when confronted by whatever feelings popped up.

But the bi-sexual label is not a badge I wear from day to day, even in my own head. This way of looking at myself would be partial, one-dimensional, limiting. There is so much more to me, and I am learning to find my identity in Christ and the example of his saints. Maybe that’s a sign of being 20+ years older now than when I entered the journey at WGA, still almost completely absorbed in getting my sexuality sorted out.

Just putting forth the idea that when we find our true identity in Christ, this opens a huge world of exploration that can either be healing and uplifting or a sociological/theological minefield. I choose to be uplifted. I believe each person is known by God to the very core of their being. Long before there were psychologists, Nicholas Cabasilas wrote in My Life in Christ, “Jesus is closer to me than I am to myself.”

Mary’s post brought up the debate among Christians whether it is appropriate or not for people to call themselves “gay Christians”. Here’s some food for thought from what I’ve gleaned through experience, guidance from my spiritual father and immersing myself more fully in the body of Christ.

First, have I carefully considered my need, motivation, and hoped-for outcomes for calling myself a gay Christian or not? The labels and terms we use carry weight in our self-perception over the long haul, and other’s perception of us and their openness to edify us in our spiritual life: either for help or hindrance. Labels may also indicate the level of our readiness to walk as children of the Light (1 Thes 5.5), to receive His vision and goal for us which is to ultimately become partakers of the Divine Nature (2 Pet 1:4).

Second, what is the context in which I’m using the term? This may help determine when it is or is not appropriate. Am I hanging out or serving primarily with others like myself? Am I witnessing to the non-Christian world? Do I have a church I am plugged into or actively searching for? Who is my pastor, counselor, spiritual mother or father? Are there adequate compassion and humility in my church community to welcome others into fellowship as they are today, but also adequate encouragement to reach forward toward fulness in Christ?

Third, am I learning to live eschatologically? Am I living in the now, while eagerly anticipating that in the realized Kingdom I will finally be fully myself in the image and likeness of Christ with all my disarray, sin, suffering, and death completely gone? Am I maturing in my relationships with others now, trusting that what I have built here will be perfectly whole there? Am I finding and carrying out my purpose now, rejoicing that what God means for me to do will fit into a complete design? To think eschatologically infuses true peace and joy in the midst of struggle. “If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all people the most pitiable.” (1 Cor 15.19)

Thank you, WGA staff, board, and volunteers, for the reflection, prayers and work you do to continue to be a light among us.

Anonymous Authors

Anonymous Authors

 

Due to the sensitive and personal nature of many of the issues Where Grace Abounds works with, some of our blog authors wish to remain anonymous. We encourage people to move towards being transparent and known by those significant relationships in their lives. Testimonies and personal experiences are powerful tools to be shared. We hope you are encouraged by reading this article.

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